11 Stages You Go through Immediately After Getting Fired

1. F*** them.

2. Who needs them anyway? They were holding me back from greatness.

3. What around here can I destroy? Because if I’m going out then I’m going to burn this motherfucker down.

4. This is perfect since I’ve been needing a vacation.

5. If I go back right now and grovel then maybe they’ll take me back.

6. This really is the best thing that could’ve happened to me. Now that I’m free I can finally fulfill all of my promise.

7. I’m probably going to end up homeless.

8. I didn’t get fired, subconsciously I let my performance get bad enough so that I’d get fired. Which really means that I basically quit.

9. I wonder what they would do if I showed up tomorrow and acted like nothing ever happened. It might be so awkward that they don’t say anything.

10. Is there any chance that I can get away with not telling my family or friends about this?

11. Oh hey, there is my boss’ car. No one is looking so let me go spit on it real quick.

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