Comic books and professional wrestling have so many similarities that they’re hard to count.
They’re both incredibly popular, but often looked down upon by society at large, who regard their diehard fans with the sort of scorn usually reserved for sexually-aggressive insects.
They’re both dominated by unconvincing specimens of physical perfection taking themes of love, ambition, betrayal, and revenge, and distilling them down into the simply image of big things punching other big things.
The storylines of both tend to be convoluted, yet also simplistic, and full of tiresome cliches. But when they work, they fill the hearts of their fans with love, pure damned LOVE.
The preposterous Marvel Universe and the preposterous WWE Universe go together beautifully, and once you start to really look at the colourful characters of both, you start to realise that even the main players bear striking similarities.
Describe a character from one, and you find yourself describing the character from another.
20. Captain America & John Cena
A man who belongs in a simpler time. Often dressed in pseudo-military garb, and always ready to salute to the troops, he practically wraps himself in the American flag before heading into battle. He carries around a piece of metal with him wherever he goes, which he wields with pride, for it bears the colours of his land.
He appeals to children, and though often regarded as square and uncool because of it, his uncompromising devotion to his principles, amongst them loyalty and respect, have inspired as many people as he’s bored. Worthy of admiration, sure, but there are more interesting characters out there.
19. Deadpool & CM Punk
He’s a creature of pure narrative chaos, looking straight down the lens and breaking the fourth wall with abandon. He’s knows exactly what kind of messed-up machine he’s a part of, and he refuses to be just another cog. He breaks the conventions of his medium with ease and has become a beloved and unique character in doing so.
Though his attitude is innately counter-authority, infuriating the straight-laced with his sly remarks and laid-back flippancy, he’s still trained in martial arts and should be considered extremely dangerous. Often assumed to be a lone wolf, he’s actually managed to find a family as crazy as he is. They’re happy.
18. Ghost Rider & The Undertaker
A character of equal parts Americana, and equal parts arcane darkness. He looks like death, but walks amongst the world of men, gifted with inexplicable dark powers, with which he judges and punishes those who transgress against him.
He also really likes motorbikes, in a move that would seem incongruous, but ends up being iconic based purely on his charisma.
A character not often seen these days, and when he does appear on our screens, if we’re being honest, he’s played by an actor that’s a little bit too old to be fully convincing.
17. The Winter Soldier & Roman Reigns
Permanently dressed for combat and wearing a warrior’s scowl, he worked best as an ass-kicking man of mystery. Coming from seemingly out of nowhere, it was revealed that he had deep historical ties with one of the universes most treasure heroes.
One of his arms is inhumanly power and he keeps it cocked, loaded and ever-ready for duty.
The fans initially loved him as a mysterious villain, but as soon as he stepped up to take over the persona of Captain America/John Cena, some of the fans turned on him, believing that role to be a waste of his character.
Now somewhat adrift, caught between hero and villain. Can he find favor in our hearts once again?
16. Moon Knight & Dean Ambrose (Also Mick Foley)
This guy has all the makings of villain, but has instead flourished as a popular, if unconventional hero. He’s out there, and when his storylines make light of his various psychological issues, he risks losing his power. But make no mistake, this guy is deadly. He’s become known for his proficiency with strange weaponry.
Also famous for being somewhat of a loon, he’s deeply psychologically unhinged and unpredictable, on the brink of full dissociative identity disorder. Attempts by medical professionals to analyse him have ended poorly for those men.
15. Crimson Dynamo & Rusev
A good old-fashioned villain belonging more in the 50s/60s than in the present day, he’s still an entertaining throwback. Seemingly unstoppable (though this has proven to not be the case), ruthless and bestowed with the ability to crush his opponents, he has become a symbol and hero to the Russian people, despite (ssh) not actually being born there.
Sometime he can be seen wearing the Russian star on his chest. He wears it with often foolish, arrogant pride, making many enemies in America, leading him to taste bitter defeat, far from home.
14. Juggernaut & Big Show
Originally a fun character, now more of a tired fairground attraction, when he first arrived on the scene he filled people with fear and wonder. “How can he possibly be stopped,” people asked. “We’ve never seen strength and size like it.” And, yes for a time, it was fun to concoct fantasy fights in our heads – what would it be like if he fought *him* etc etc, but alas the character’s just been around for too long.
The audience are too exposed to him now; they’ve seen him be presented so often as a huge villain that is somehow overcome by a smaller hero, that there’s just no real menace to him anymore. Yes, he’s still a monstrous physical specimen, objectivity, but the threat’s gone out of him.
13. Psylocke & Paige
A British fighter born to a family of fighters. Of all her kin, it’s her that’s become the most famous on American soil. Something of a paradox, she eschews stereotypical ‘feminine’ traits such as delicacy, and blondness, preferring the look of dark, fierce asskicker, yet she is still glamorous, with her thick crop of jet black hair, and muscular frame.
She is deceptively well-trained in the physical arts, yet her mental powers in combat have led some to wrongly assume that she’s crazy. That would be a shallow depiction of her character at best. Though she has had many romantic entanglements in the past, she works best as a lone warrior and it would be best to keep her that way.
12. The Hulk & Brock Lesnar
God almighty, don’t let him touch you.
An unstoppable beast when he’s in full force. He’s been around for a long time, but his legitimate jaw-dropping destructive power have stopped people from ever tiring of him. He can eat animals whole. That’s not a rumour. He can do it.
You underestimate sure, because you think you’ve met him. But you haven’t. You’ve met this short, out of shape guy, who looks like he couldn’t climb a flight of stairs, let alone fight. But this guy warned you, he warned everyone that the Beast was coming. You didn’t listen and now the beast is here.
God help you if he’s angry. The property damage, the innocent men that will suffer, it scarcely bears thinking about.
11. Dazzler & Fandango
Oh god, what can be said about this character? Depends, how many ways are there to say ‘one-note’?
A performer at heart, and highly ‘skilled’ dancer, they debuted with flashes of colour and much hype, the committee that created them hoping that this character would be campy, flamboyant cross-culture hit, and for a while it appeared that they lucked into it. The character was on trend and looked like they had the makings of a cult favourite.
However, the whole idea behind the character is just a bit stupid. All flashing lights with very little substance. Reboot them as often as you want, it’s unlikely to make a difference.
10. William Stryker & Bray Wyatt
Fear this man, for he believes that his path is pure, and there are few more dangerous than the ruthlessly righteous.
He is a preacher and leads an army of those converted to his hellish purpose. The heroes see through his rhetoric and recognise him a hateful, twisted man, a false idol inciting violence against those just trying to make the world a better place. The common people, however, often find themselves mesmerised by him, extolling him as leader, letting themselves be suckered into his way of thinking, turning on their heroes, hoping for their destruction at his hands.
9. Hawkeye & Randy Orton
It’s hard to pin this guy down. Historically a villain solely motivated for personal gain, he’s switched allegiances and remains difficult to predict. He’s nowhere near as noble your average hero, often letting his anger overrule his principles. He’s done bad things. He’s done very bad things.
He does everything with the utmost precision and he can target any limb he likes. Able to strike at any point, from any distance, his opponents have every reason to fear him, for when he chooses to strike, it will be sudden, and it will be deadly.
Fear him as a hero. Fear him more as a villain.
8. Spider-Man & Dolph Ziggler
One of the most popular characters in the universe, he’s a genuine hero to the people, although they spent a lot of the early part of his career misunderstanding him. Not their fault, exactly, he was packaged to them all wrong, but once they saw his athleticism firsthand, and his unending resiliency against terrible odds, he won their adoration.
His mouth often gets him into trouble, his constant cocksure quipping perhaps masking a more vulnerable character, somewhat unsure of his place in world. But there’s one thing to be sure of, he will not give up and though he may not be the biggest dog in the fight, his spirit and charm will keep his popularity alive for years to come.
7. Thor & Sheamus
He only needs one name to kick your arse. Descended from a warrior people, he is at his happiest when full of red meat and hitting men he finds objectionable with a hammer. The people will sing songs of his deeds, of his brutality, of the joy with which he crushes his opposition while bellowing his unfathomable proclamations to the four winds.
Also, he looks a bit stupid to be honest. Sure he’s technically handsome and all that, but that hair, that look, it’s just a bit naff really. Perhaps it’s some sort of tradition with his ancient culture that’s destined to be misunderstood by Americans forever.
6. Bullseye & Seth Rollins
An incredibly skilled athlete and damn-near acrobat, he’s a company man at heart, pledging himself to those in power and more than willing to becoming their hired gun. He’s a total sociopath, and has no one in his life that he cares about above himself and his own selfish desires.
He is opportunistic to a fault, able to manipulate his environment to his whims, turning any item in his hands into a weapon, and any location into a chance to cripple his foes. He is regarded with disgust by his contemporaries and even his employers occasionally gall at his methods.
5. Daredevil & Daniel Bryan
Practically a ninja in his training, he is constantly underestimated by those who meet him. They often regard him with pity, a lesser man than his fellow heroes, but his abilities are jaw-dropping. He has the ability to be seemingly everywhere at once, falling on bad people from the skies. Considering the battles he throws himself into, despite a probably permanent injury, he is truly the man without fear.
He holds himself to a higher standard of behaviour, to an almost pious level, not drinking and disregarding the importance of physical possessions. He also has a rage deep down inside of him, and while he fights on the side of the people, battling those who abuse their positions of power, there is a darkness in there.
4. Thanos/HHH & Death/Stephanie McMahon
The most powerful couple in all of creation, he crafts the very universe itself with his own two hands, and he does it all for her. The people are as ants to them, meaningly numbers. They have the ability to bring people great joy, to create a paradise for the tiny humans, but they have pledged themselves to the darkness, cackling and rutting on a bed of bones, the pure destruction they’ve wrought forming the essential romantic spark of their relationship.
They do not think like mortals, they do not rule like mortals, they do not have sex like mortals. For them a marathon love-making session is powerful enough to destroy mountains and cause madness in anyone within an immediate proximity.
3. Kingpin & Vince McMahon
He’s a legitimate businessman. Remember that. It doesn’t matter what you think. It doesn’t matter what anyone says. He’s a legitimate business man. Ok? No, seriously. He is a legitimate businessman.
He. Is a legitimite. Businessman.
He spends much of his time this days out of sight, preferring for his employees to do the hands-on work. However, in the past he hasn’t been afraid to step up and crush his enemies with his own hands. He finds himself constantly at odds with those pesky upstarts Spiderman/Ziggler and Daredevil/Bryan. He sees them as a threat to his legitimate business.
2. Doctor Doom & Kevin Dunn
Cloaked in secrecy and perceived by many as being drunk with power, he rules from behind the scenes, orchestrating nefarious schemes from his own private kingdom.
He rules over his precious machines. They are the only company he keeps, the only creatures he can trust.
No one knows why he shies away from public life. Perhaps it’s down to his demonic appearance, which inspires tears to the eyes of the innocent youth, and fear in all who see him. But know this, his power is total and even though you can’t see him, that doesn’t mean he isn’t there, ready to crush your dreams.
1. Ultron & The Internet Wrestling Community
You can’t fight it.
It is a hive mind.
Destroy one part of the machine, 2 more voices will rise to take its place.
Its fury cannot be controlled.
It seeks destruction. It seeks blood. It is unpredictable and frightening.
It wishes to remodel the universe in its own image, by its own principles.
All characters must band together to stop this… thing, to frustrate the desires of this insatiable beast. Only together do they stand a chance, even the faintest hope for survival.
Pray for them.